I'm commenting here, but it's also in response to the 'turn the other cheek' comment below; it's so difficult to think objectively in a situation like that--when you've been poleaxed and just when you least expect it, so you're wide open and take the hit full on.

Between your 'building moment' and 'kindness doesn't always pay' and 'really wish you'd said something' comments, though, I'd like to offer a possible response for next time. (Because, God knows, Ivy, there will be other chances.)

You'd been so kind to her, so gentle and open, and clearly she was aware of that; what if you continued the kindness but also said what you so desperately wanted to say in a way that she couldn't take offense? It's asking a lot, I know...to continue to be wide open, to let people into your soul, even for a minute, when you have every reason to think that they're going to hurt you, when they already HAVE deeply hurt you, but maybe looking right at her, with your openness and generosity and kindness still all there, just for her, and saying something very gently like, "Well, to be sure, I don't know where you would be, but where I would be is somewhere that I could hope to legally share my life with someone I love."

Please don't think I'm being preachy, here...I have so much love and respect for you, and I hate that you got hurt; I'm just trying to use your instictive and innate kindness in your own favor. As I said, what I suggested is not an easy route, but then, unfortunately, I don't think any of them are...

Funny thing about human rights...they ought be for all humans. Tough concept for too many people.

*loves*