Harry/Draco, revisited

I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to chose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts, your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame-filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
And there are no strings attached....

I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet you're wondering how for you have danced your way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is

Hmm. I really wish this album were actually out. But anyway. I was discussing what follows after the end of belong with my new friend, Belong!Draco. You know, I thought perhaps he might know, how things go down and all that. We agreed that perhaps he and Harry would finally *talk* about some of this stuff. And that that would be awfully good for him to do. Hence this....

Hmm. Still thinking. More later.

Ratings

We've been having this discussion on veela inc about ratings, and under aged readers. I'm conflicted about this. I don't really have a problem with kids reading my fics, quite frankly. Even when they get graphic. First, I don't think I write anything too squickeh to start with. And you'd have to be a pretty dumb kid not to have heard of the stuff I write about. At least I write about it in very *loving* situations.

Wait, why is that better?

Wait, why don't we want kids to know about sex? Oh, right, it's a legal question. Sure. I say...heck...my first lemon is stuck at part 8. If you made it through 8 parts and are still reading, clearly you're fairly mature. I mean, really. I guess I should stop advertising it as a lemon, since I've now been told that it's not one. And the second one is part 12 and not called anything suggestive. Well, it is. But you'd have to be smart enough to know what 'meta' means I guess. (Meta-physical metaphysical). And I buried the graphic bits in lots of musing. So if you can read it just for the sex, goody for you. And there are still some things I won't mention because they REALLY shatter my illusion that Harry and Draco as actually girls. And while Adaddon thinks they're girls because I made a butch femme joke (fair enough), it's actually located in other places. As well, perhaps, but other places.

Anyway. So I've been pondering the idea of ratings. I honestly don't like the idea of purposely keeping subject matter away from kids. I think 'NO YOU CAN'T READ THAT' is a more dangerous statement than anything I've written.

And that being said, I just upped Belong to NC-17 on ff.net, because...well, because Libertine thinks I should. I that a good reason? Probably not. She rates everything NC-17. Actually, I think I did it in the end because I realized I was dealing with some brutal topics. Abusive issues and violence. I hadn't thought about this too much before, because, to be honest, it's mostly just hinted at, and even then, not very often. There is about 2 lines of an actual unconcentual act made to look like a concentual act, and beyond that, I just have hints and whispers of things. But I suspect that those hints and whispers are a lot louder than the amount of space they take up. And they motivate one of the main characters a fair lot.

It is strange that writing that thing has forced me to confront a lot of who I am? No, not just writing it. Writing it and experiencing the feedback on it. Trying to create a character who is everything I don't know how to deal with, and everything I want in a person. That was accidental. I'm drawn to the 'bad' ones, what can I say. I can't write him without making him dead sexy and charming. Do I want to by a martyr? The desire to heal and protect is very very seductive. And foolish. Something which was kind of the point. And rather cutting to me. Again, the point.

So it's an NC-17 now. I wonder if that will actually draw more or less hits, to be honest. Since making it NC-17 does nothing except force a new pop-up window to make you lie. Tell me kids don't just go through anyway. Right, but then they can't complain. I have yet to get a complaint. So I'm conflicted. At least if some mother somewhere finds her 14 year old reading the tail end of Belong and getting a bit sniffly, she'll see that i TRIED to keep her child out. Is that the idea?

What the hell does 'Restricted' mean, then? Eeek.

Quite conflicted. Kind of wondering how all these conversations with Belong!Draco will affect me writing him. Will it make it easier or harder? In the end, he is still mine, isn't he? Or.

David and I

David and I disagree about this song. He thinks it's a Harry to Draco song. I think it's a Draco to Harry song. He says our characters, once quite similar, have drifted apart. He doesn't get my Harry either. He's too good, he says. Yeah. Well. Bah. I shouldn't try to mary sue. Clearly I'm too righteous to write myself. Unless I just really that incomprehensible. Which is possible, I suppose.

Surrendering

you were full and fully capable
you were self sufficient and needless
your house was fully decorated in that sense

I just can't see that as Draco. I think it's Harry who's pretty much got it together. Emotionally, at least.

you were taken with me to a point
a case of careful what you wish for
but what you knew was enough to begin

That's all Draco talking, I think. Because he probably doesn't imagine that someone would be *completely* taken with him...though, they might believe they were, and why shouldn't they be, he's pretty amazing, but they don't really know him, do they. 'Careful what you wish for' always works from Draco. Ack.

and so you called and courted fiercely
so you reached out entirely fearless
and yet you knew of reservation and how it serves

Harry is the fearless one. And he's also the active one. I think he's probably a lot more in control than he thinks he is.

and i salute you for your courage
and i applaud your perseverance
and i embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces
that i represent

I don't think Harry would ever think to salute someone for being courageous. Courage comes pretty easily to him, and he would consider it just living. So he probably takes a lot for granted. Draco, considering himself difficult, would understand that courage was required.

so you were in but not entirely
you were up for this but not totally
you knew how arms length-ing can maintain doubt

That's Belong!Harry, at the beginning. So that works for me.

and so you fell and you're intact
so you dove in and you're still breathing
so you jumped and you're still flying if not shocked

I don't think he's shocked at all. It's just what you do. Draco's the one who's surprised that you can...as Belong!Draco tells me...remember everything and still walk around. :) Of course you can.

and i support you in your trusting
and i commend you for your wisdom
and i'm amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces
that i represent

Harry would not think to support it or to commend it or to be amazed. Surrender and trust come pretty easily to him. The underlying theme of those lines is that the speaker doesn't trust and such. Or finds it miraculous. In my view, Harry would not find it miraculous.

you found creative ways to distance
you hid away from much through humor
your choice of armor was your intellect

I don't think intellect is Draco's armour. I think it's silence. he's a smart guy, but that's not what he hides behind. This bit I can see this being Dracoish still though, because of the hiding and the humour. I think Draco's a funny guy. So I'll give David this one.

and so you felt and you're still here
and so you died and you're still standing
and so you softened and still safely in command

I'll give him this part too, on some level. But I can only see it as Harry to Draco, like, way in the future. I don't get the impression that Harry gets Draco enough right off to say something like that. But I can also see it as a reflection of Draco shock at watching harry take chances on him and still walk around. softened and still safely in command. Belong!Draco has some issues with this. In fact, I think I wrote a whole part about this (8).

self-protection was in times of true danger
your best defense to mistrust and be wary
surrendering a feat of unequalled measure
and i'm thrilled to let you in
overjoyed to be let in in kind

True danger. Right. Well, we've seen that. True danger, in the face of evil, blah blah. Again, I think it speaks more from a Draco point of view, given that I don't think Harry would see himself as surrendering, nor see it as a feat.

Now. David. Your turn. :)