Ivy's Greatest Hits

I have stats now. Yes ma'am, I sure do. So I know what you people are doing when you're visiting my website. I know that you're looking at Haven, even though I expressly told you that I think it sucks. Oh yes. I know all about it.

So. In response to people doing this, I have decided to compile a list of my own plot holes, spelling errors, and so forth. Just so you know that I know. Cause I know you know, and you think it would be rude to tell me. That's so nice of you, really.

( Ivy's Greatest Hits )

half awake

Okay. veelawebmaster just called and woke me up, so I need to catch this while it's fresh.

I think I had a fandom dream. Not sure, but there was a heck of a lot of people involved. It was like, a convention. And I got into an argument about who's idea #mm was. And my ex was there, and she claims it was her idea, because she wrote a play about it. I told her she was wrong, that I wrote about it and she just stole my idea and dumped me. She laughed.

The whole thing was organized by Heidi, and we got to this big overflow tent when I realized how well-run it really was. I don't know what the overflow tent was for, exactly, except that given the HUGE number of people there, it was a a very good idea. Go Heidi! I said, "Is it real? I mean, is it real, or is it virtual? If we set outside it, can we come back in, or do we disappear?" The things I worry about when I'm asleep. Rhoddlet tested it. She stepped outside into the sun. She came back in. She was okay. I was relieved.

So then some people got into an elevator that was having problems. There was an elevator accident, shall we say. Someone fell out of it and went plummeting down the elevator shaft, which was actually an entire secondary school standing on its side, and I watched her grab onto an orange cord and swing over to a basketbal net, which she crawled into and cried her eyes out. I told her to hop down into the kitchen which was just below her and have a sit down. Poor thing. She needed a big cookie.

The hightlight of the dream was Lib. She was in the elevator that was having the problem, but was okay. When all the people were semi-rescued, semi-safe, everyone was standing on top of this building, including Jewel. Yes, Jewel, the earnest girl with a guitar. She had her guitar too, and her answer to this crisis was to sing with her shirt half off.

Lib, to Jewel: "I hate soundtracks."

Jewel, still singing, took her shirt entirely off in defiance.

Lib, silenced for the moment in the presence of bare boobies, is still confused as to what topless guitar playing as to do with this. So am I.

Phone rings. veelawebmaster wants to go see a movie. She laughs at me for being so sleepy. I tell her about Jewel.

My day so far.

Squeeee!

Tom Felton, too cool 4 u

Tee hee. Tom. Eat more. One strong wind and they're going to need a new actor to play Draco. Look at this guy. Awwwww.

Fisherman. Sure.

Time for a little Harry....

BELAFONTE!!!

come mister tally man, tally me banana!

Mmmm

I just took the world's most perfectly ripe avocado and made the world's most perfect guacamole, in spite of the fact that my lemon juice managed to freeze in my fridge. I am also drinking Ribena, which veelawebmaster introduced me to.

Ah yes. Life is good.

A few words about the avocado from these people, whoever they are:

If a motion picture were produced on the history of the avocado, the film might have the dubious distinction of receiving an "R" rating for "mature audiences."

The opening scene might feature a group of actors dressed like Aztecs with one pointing to a tree and exclaiming, "ahuacuatl!"

Ahuacuatl is the Aztec word for testicle tree. No doubt, the name arose because of the way the fruit of the tree hung in pairs reminding those ancient people of human male anatomy. The film might also have a scene showing the young Aztec maidens confined indoors while this erotic fruit with aphrodisiac qualities was being harvested.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.