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I had a dream...
May. 13th, 2003 01:13 pmOkay so I had this dream and I have to share it with you, because, well. It's just what I do.
So me, my sister Bee, Patch, her husband, and their darling offspring Xasaurus (as I call him) went on vacation to the beach. I don't know which beach, the beach. And the cool thing about this beach is that when you go there, no matter how much time you spend (three days, three weeks, whatever) it only takes an afternoon in real time.
But when we get there, my 11 month old nephew turns into a 20 year old woman. With the mentality of my 11 month old nephew, only more ornery and mean.
So this is a little complicated. We're all trying to manage this 20 year old woman we're calling X, and my sister is at her wits end. Finally I'm doing something else and I can hear my sister finally lose it downstairs. She just starts SCREAMING at X, and then I hear noises that make it sound as though my sister is using some corporal punishment. I mean, I can't really blame her, this child has been incredibly difficult for all of us, but still. So I run downstairs and see my Patch crouched over X, not to protect her from Bee, but to restrain her. So apparently X was getting violent at my sister, and boy it was just a big mess.
Good thing they brought me along.
Me: "Well, you guys take a break, I'll give X a bath."
Cause you know, that's what you do when people get violent. You give them a bath.
Oddly enough, it works. She likes the water and she calms right down. But then it comes to me, I understand why this has happened! It's the weird time shift, that's what turned X into a 20 year old woman! So I go to Patch and Bee and say, look, if we just leave, we'll meet ourselves in the parking lot and then we can just exchange strange-is-now-a-grown-woman X for baby!X. They seem to agree with me.
So we go into the parking lot but we don't see ourselves. We see a gift shop. And the woman at the gift shop is watching this baby, who is...my nephew, as he should look. So we rush over and sit the 20-year-old-woman version of my nephew in front of real!nephew and hope that some magic happens. Some melding or poof or something. But nothing happens. The woman at the gift shop looks over and sees 20-year-old-woman X playing with X and says, "Oh, isn't that nice," and goes to help some customer, and my sister just scoops up the baby and walks off, leaving strangely not!X behind.
Bee: "I don't even care. This is my baby." And she was right, he was, he was very happy to see her.
We scurried along after her and I said, "breastfeed him, breastfeed him! No one will question you if you're breastfeeding him!"
After that there was some random scurrying around through a mall looking for an exit to the place where Patch parked the station wagon and looking around behind us for police or the gift shop woman or someone, but no one seemed to notice the switch. Like we were the only people who could tell the two X's apart. That was pretty much the end.
Good times.
So me, my sister Bee, Patch, her husband, and their darling offspring Xasaurus (as I call him) went on vacation to the beach. I don't know which beach, the beach. And the cool thing about this beach is that when you go there, no matter how much time you spend (three days, three weeks, whatever) it only takes an afternoon in real time.
But when we get there, my 11 month old nephew turns into a 20 year old woman. With the mentality of my 11 month old nephew, only more ornery and mean.
So this is a little complicated. We're all trying to manage this 20 year old woman we're calling X, and my sister is at her wits end. Finally I'm doing something else and I can hear my sister finally lose it downstairs. She just starts SCREAMING at X, and then I hear noises that make it sound as though my sister is using some corporal punishment. I mean, I can't really blame her, this child has been incredibly difficult for all of us, but still. So I run downstairs and see my Patch crouched over X, not to protect her from Bee, but to restrain her. So apparently X was getting violent at my sister, and boy it was just a big mess.
Good thing they brought me along.
Me: "Well, you guys take a break, I'll give X a bath."
Cause you know, that's what you do when people get violent. You give them a bath.
Oddly enough, it works. She likes the water and she calms right down. But then it comes to me, I understand why this has happened! It's the weird time shift, that's what turned X into a 20 year old woman! So I go to Patch and Bee and say, look, if we just leave, we'll meet ourselves in the parking lot and then we can just exchange strange-is-now-a-grown-woman X for baby!X. They seem to agree with me.
So we go into the parking lot but we don't see ourselves. We see a gift shop. And the woman at the gift shop is watching this baby, who is...my nephew, as he should look. So we rush over and sit the 20-year-old-woman version of my nephew in front of real!nephew and hope that some magic happens. Some melding or poof or something. But nothing happens. The woman at the gift shop looks over and sees 20-year-old-woman X playing with X and says, "Oh, isn't that nice," and goes to help some customer, and my sister just scoops up the baby and walks off, leaving strangely not!X behind.
Bee: "I don't even care. This is my baby." And she was right, he was, he was very happy to see her.
We scurried along after her and I said, "breastfeed him, breastfeed him! No one will question you if you're breastfeeding him!"
After that there was some random scurrying around through a mall looking for an exit to the place where Patch parked the station wagon and looking around behind us for police or the gift shop woman or someone, but no one seemed to notice the switch. Like we were the only people who could tell the two X's apart. That was pretty much the end.
Good times.
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