And you thought we were weird.

[ivyblossom]

I always thought the idea of Harry Potter fanfiction was the oddest. Well, get this: Garfield fanfiction. And random house is even publishing it.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but I'm pretty sure Garfield stopped being funny in 1985.

In a snug little bed, situated in a modest two-bedroom house on a tiny plot in a sleepy little suburban community, a mound of golden fur slept snugly. Content in the love and obedience of the man sawing wood just one bed away, the fat, happy cat snored and dreamed . . .

He was in a large, elegant room abuzz with the tinkle of stemware and laughter. Every now and then an orchestra struck up a tune. Beautiful women parading a dizzying array of sparkle and feathers sat side by side with impossibly short, rich men called “producers,” who were not at all beautiful but paid thousands of dollars for the table.

Dressed to the nine lives in black tie, his bow tie just a bit crooked, the suave orange tabby leaned slowly into the woman seated to his right at the banquet table. She was as beautiful as any girl he’d ever seen . . . dewy and fresh-faced with wide-set brown eyes and sparkling white teeth. She seemed a vision in a pale pink gown, her lips reflecting the color of the roses bursting with life at the center of the table. If anything, she was prettier in person than she was on the big screen, with warm chestnut hair that reflected the soft candlelight flickering amid the flowers.

The tabby brushed a breadcrumb from his cummerbund and inched closer, ears forward, tail swishing in breathless anticipation.

Excuse me, Jennifer, love . . . are you going to eat that?

I have no words.

Comments

[nmalfoy.livejournal.com]

Hm. Here I was, anxious about the upcoming Alienectomy, but you came through, darling and took my mind right off of everything!

*scrubs retinas* Where do you find this stuff?

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I have my sources. *waggles eyebrows*

Ahem. Actually I find most of the interesting stuff here (http://metafilter.com).

*rubs noses*

[jlh.livejournal.com]

You do know there is a Garfield movie coming out, right? We saw a preview for it last night in the lobby while we were waiting to go into the theater for S&H. Bad computer animation. Odie doesn't look right at all. I shudder.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Apparently this is Garfield: the movie: the novelization. Classic.

[pornography.livejournal.com]

She was as beautiful as any girl he’d ever seen . . . dewy and fresh-faced with wide-set brown eyes and sparkling white teeth. She seemed a vision in a pale pink gown, her lips reflecting the color of the roses bursting with life at the center of the table.
Mary-Sue, much?

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I can't get over the first line: In a snug little bed, situated in a modest two-bedroom house on a tiny plot in a sleepy little suburban community, a mound of golden fur slept snugly. Split infinitives much? Oy!!!

[auntbeast.livejournal.com]

i don't see any split infinitives in that sentence. comma splice maybe? totally uninteresting? definitely.

[longtimegone]

I like this kind of stuff though. It reminds me that I really don't need to worry about ever being TRULY wierd.

<3333333333333

[laurac0re.livejournal.com]

*is frightened*

[willysunny.livejournal.com]

The tabby brushed a breadcrumb from his cummerbund and inched closer, ears forward, tail swishing in breathless anticipation.
Excuse me, Jennifer, love . . . are you going to eat that?

Ahahaha! I am utterly intrigued and wigged out at the same time. It's like rubber necking on the highway - I couldn't stop reading, even when my brain collapsed. ;)

[amourmalfoy.livejournal.com]

If it stopped being funny 20 years ago why are they making a life movie version of it?

[briarsequinox.livejournal.com]

I don't think it was ever funny. And what more could you possibly write about?

[melieltathariel.livejournal.com]

Oh dear gods.

[greenumbrella.livejournal.com]

Yeep. You're right. We aren't weird.