When the world gets you down...

[ivyblossom]

Today I went with a friend of mine to the local mall to pick up a few things. (Passport photos so I can go visit treehavn in the spring, new earphones, a calendar, that sort of thing.) And I was in an awfully jolly mood on the way back home. I practically danced my way to the exit, feeling that all was reasonably well in the world, all told. As I was walking out, I heard a little old asian lady asking for help finding the bus station.

"I'm heading there," I said. "I'll take you."

She's a slow walker, this little old lady, so I slow down to a very slow saunter and talk to her. We talk about the weather. All very casual, very friendly. I like being a good member of the community; as I'm walking (very very slowly) I think, hey, what's the rush. Life is short. Enjoy it while it's here. Be a good person. Help people out. Love the place you find yourself in. It doesn't hurt to be nice.

And then she says, "...and they're trying to do this same-sex marriage thing! Can you believe it! Where would you and I be if there had always been same-sex marriage, eh?"

And I said nothing. My heart fell into my shoes. What could I say? Do I want to make a scene? Do I really want to see what happens after I tell her that I'm actually pretty much in favour of having full civil rights, thankyouverymuch?

It kills me that I said nothing. What I should have said was, well, you could be back there looking for the damn bus stop, lady. By yourself. Because I would have turned into a bitter, twisted lesbian having been given fewer rights than you and wouldn't have felt moved to help you. But I said nothing at all. Actually I saw my bus coming so I ran for it. i didn't help her to the escalator. I didn't help her to her platform, which I fully would have done otherwise. I just said, "there's my bus," and ran.

I'm telling you, kindness doesn't always pay. Ruined my whole evening.

Comments

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I really wish I'd said something. But at the time I was drawing a blank. I feel like I missed a teachable moment or something.

[winningstreak.livejournal.com]

Many conservative (and usually aged) Asians are almost entirely unteachable, I've observed.
You shouldn't have let her ruin your mood. Er, I suck at trying to make people feel better so I'll shut up before I offend anyone.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're probably right. I just wasn't expecting it. It was disheartening.

[winningstreak.livejournal.com]

Yeah, even though I'm not homosexual myself, it's disturbing how some people treat the matter as though they can't see why the hell anyone would want to give gays/lesbians these rights.

Once in a class my teacher chose the topic of Gay marriage rights, and even before any discussion began he showed how he thought the idea was completely ridiculous, and he expected me to have the same opinions as he did.
I know that as a country that does not look kindly on change, that this is the general opinion not because the people don't care about giving equal rights but simply because they were raised that way and 'everyone' thinks that way so it's just how things are.
But as an educator... really, he shouldn't have been so biased.

[venivincere]

All speculation on the educability of aging Asians aside, you did miss a two-part opportunity. Had you said something to her and then stayed to help her even though you would have missed your bus, you would have had the opportunity to show her that being gay doesn't preclude civil and respectful social behavior, even in the face of her unwitting disrespect of your values.

Don't let it eat you; you've got the rest of your life to rise above the small-mindedness of others. *hugs you*

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

It's a bit more than my values, actually. I don't particularly think that homophobes are "opportunities". I don't wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd told her that she should be ashamed of herself for being so rude to someone who had stopped to help her.

[venivincere]

Of course it's more than values, it's who you are. But if you confront people directly about their shortcomings you're not likely to get them to listen. If you give them the opportunity to figure it out themselves, they're far more likely to learn something.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

People don't figure much out on their own, in my experience.

[lemoncakes.livejournal.com]

So you want her to be different without giving her the information and chance to change? Sure, in most cases like these, people won't change - my parents are two prime examples - but I don't see how giving up on them or wishing to dictate their opinions would help the matter any. Nobody learns that way. Though it may seem like the only way to get a point across, launching into a tirade in the middle of the street isn't going to convince anyone of anything. The point is to be listened to, not heard.

I know it's frustrating to live in a world where nobody seems to get such a simple thing, but change takes time and effort, and most of all, faith that it will happen. And it will.