When the world gets you down...
Jan. 19th, 2006 09:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ivyblossomToday I went with a friend of mine to the local mall to pick up a few things. (Passport photos so I can go visit ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
treehavn in the spring, new earphones, a calendar, that sort of thing.) And I was in an awfully jolly mood on the way back home. I practically danced my way to the exit, feeling that all was reasonably well in the world, all told. As I was walking out, I heard a little old asian lady asking for help finding the bus station.
"I'm heading there," I said. "I'll take you."
She's a slow walker, this little old lady, so I slow down to a very slow saunter and talk to her. We talk about the weather. All very casual, very friendly. I like being a good member of the community; as I'm walking (very very slowly) I think, hey, what's the rush. Life is short. Enjoy it while it's here. Be a good person. Help people out. Love the place you find yourself in. It doesn't hurt to be nice.
And then she says, "...and they're trying to do this same-sex marriage thing! Can you believe it! Where would you and I be if there had always been same-sex marriage, eh?"
And I said nothing. My heart fell into my shoes. What could I say? Do I want to make a scene? Do I really want to see what happens after I tell her that I'm actually pretty much in favour of having full civil rights, thankyouverymuch?
It kills me that I said nothing. What I should have said was, well, you could be back there looking for the damn bus stop, lady. By yourself. Because I would have turned into a bitter, twisted lesbian having been given fewer rights than you and wouldn't have felt moved to help you. But I said nothing at all. Actually I saw my bus coming so I ran for it. i didn't help her to the escalator. I didn't help her to her platform, which I fully would have done otherwise. I just said, "there's my bus," and ran.
I'm telling you, kindness doesn't always pay. Ruined my whole evening.
treehavn in the spring, new earphones, a calendar, that sort of thing.) And I was in an awfully jolly mood on the way back home. I practically danced my way to the exit, feeling that all was reasonably well in the world, all told. As I was walking out, I heard a little old asian lady asking for help finding the bus station."I'm heading there," I said. "I'll take you."
She's a slow walker, this little old lady, so I slow down to a very slow saunter and talk to her. We talk about the weather. All very casual, very friendly. I like being a good member of the community; as I'm walking (very very slowly) I think, hey, what's the rush. Life is short. Enjoy it while it's here. Be a good person. Help people out. Love the place you find yourself in. It doesn't hurt to be nice.
And then she says, "...and they're trying to do this same-sex marriage thing! Can you believe it! Where would you and I be if there had always been same-sex marriage, eh?"
And I said nothing. My heart fell into my shoes. What could I say? Do I want to make a scene? Do I really want to see what happens after I tell her that I'm actually pretty much in favour of having full civil rights, thankyouverymuch?
It kills me that I said nothing. What I should have said was, well, you could be back there looking for the damn bus stop, lady. By yourself. Because I would have turned into a bitter, twisted lesbian having been given fewer rights than you and wouldn't have felt moved to help you. But I said nothing at all. Actually I saw my bus coming so I ran for it. i didn't help her to the escalator. I didn't help her to her platform, which I fully would have done otherwise. I just said, "there's my bus," and ran.
I'm telling you, kindness doesn't always pay. Ruined my whole evening.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-20 02:48 am (UTC)I need to be an activist more of the time, though. Maybe this was my building moment, so the next time I'll be ready with a spunky reply. :/
no subject
Date: 2006-01-20 01:36 pm (UTC)Between your 'building moment' and 'kindness doesn't always pay' and 'really wish you'd said something' comments, though, I'd like to offer a possible response for next time. (Because, God knows, Ivy, there will be other chances.)
You'd been so kind to her, so gentle and open, and clearly she was aware of that; what if you continued the kindness but also said what you so desperately wanted to say in a way that she couldn't take offense? It's asking a lot, I know...to continue to be wide open, to let people into your soul, even for a minute, when you have every reason to think that they're going to hurt you, when they already HAVE deeply hurt you, but maybe looking right at her, with your openness and generosity and kindness still all there, just for her, and saying something very gently like, "Well, to be sure, I don't know where you would be, but where I would be is somewhere that I could hope to legally share my life with someone I love."
Please don't think I'm being preachy, here...I have so much love and respect for you, and I hate that you got hurt; I'm just trying to use your instictive and innate kindness in your own favor. As I said, what I suggested is not an easy route, but then, unfortunately, I don't think any of them are...
Funny thing about human rights...they ought be for all humans. Tough concept for too many people.
*loves*