From the "who knew" file...

[ivyblossom]

If you've been a lesbian your entire adult life and then meet an amazing person you want to marry who happens to be a man, you are going to a) cause much ire and consternation among some people who you once considered good friends and amazing people, and b) be the butt of the anger and contempt of said former friends.

For the record: I'm not your lesbian role model, and I never should have been. My life is my life, not your political slogan.

But hey, maybe that's the price you pay to start being eligible for heterosexual privilege.

Comments

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Will you still be my Canadian librarian role model? Because I'm really not interested in giving that up.

Anyway, yeah, it's the pitfalls of the personal as political sort of place we're in, that personal decisions become politicized even when they're really not.

<3

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Hahahhahaha but that's a paradox, because you're my academic ass-kicking awesome chick role model!

[tzi.livejournal.com]

Well, now that we've cleared up that issue ^_~

Eh. It's your prerogative. Actually, I just thought I'd gotten confused somehow and assumed you were a lesbian instead of bi. It's not like it's any of my business, but you know. I'm glad you're happy and the like.

[boniblithe.livejournal.com]

Wait. What? WTFF?

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I'm just a bit surprised by the ire. I guess I shouldn't be. I mean, from strangers is one thing, but from friends?

Ah well. Maybe it's my role in the struggle or something. :)

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I know, can you believe it? I'm ranting on my own journal for a change!

[boniblithe.livejournal.com]

Girlfriend has some baggage, yo.

So if instead you'd always identified as straight and then realized you were in love with a woman ... like what happened to my sister ... that would be OK, then? I'm so confused.

I don't care who loves who ... as long as when they do love each other, it's real, and meaningful, and not full of stress and angst and passion that flames out quickly.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Preach on, straight woman!

[applekid.livejournal.com]

isn't it awesome when someone likes their label for you more than they actually like you?

yuck.

[primroseburrows.livejournal.com]

I guess you never got their memo--you know, the one that says you're only allowed to be happy if it suits their political agenda(s).

Putting politics over friendship is a really sucky thing for 'friends' to do. They obviously need to sign up for Remedial Friendships 101.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, you've put your finger right on it! What a revelation!

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I guess it's nice to know what you're good for to people. :) Gives you a sense of purpose!

[of-evangeline.livejournal.com]

If those people threw nothing but anger and contempt your way simply because you found happiness, well, you're much better off anyway. Congratulations, by the way. :)

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Why thank you very much! He's a good little cook and all. ;)

[applekid.livejournal.com]

you know, i said that sarcastically (obv) but now that i think about it, i'm finding that over the years that i've actually come to kind of like the feeling. there's nothing like making someone pissed off just by existing! :D

muwahahaha.

[supergrover24.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure there's an Ani Difranco song about this very thing.

It sucks, though. I'm sorry.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Oh god, my life is turning into an ani difranco song!

[ahkna.livejournal.com]

Is that Martha Burns in your icon? Because that would be awesome.

[so-lily-briscoe.livejournal.com]

Really? Because I've been thinking that I'd like you just ever so much more if you would please squeeze yourself into this convenient little box I have right here. The box I call my head. Please do your best to fit your life practices to my frames of reference. If you do otherwise, I will become confused, disoriented, and, as a result, a little afraid. I will then react like all frightened animals: I will turn away from you and run, or I will turn on you. I can't help it! You made me uncomfortable.

[This is me feeling your rage. In what universe can queerness sustain exclusivity? I'm sorry your peeps are being cruel. Hug!]

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I'm sympathetic to how marginalized lesbians are...I know it's not the easiest life in the world. And it's quite something having your boss, your colleagues, your sister's in-laws, everyone be so happy for you in your relationship. Nothing I've ever experienced before. So I guess I should be a bit more understanding about the bitterness of others who haven't "escaped" it.

[ahkna.livejournal.com]

You're living out your own episode of the L Word with this, which is disturbing in and of itself. It's pretty pathetic that falling in love can garner such contempt, no matter which gender it is.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Labels are so important when you're in an invisible minority, but I wish the gay community could do better about embracing "going with your heart" rather than "doing what's expected of you". In either direction.

Thanks for your excellent break down of the issues. :)

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Is that good? I haven't seen it. The lesbians seemed so....I dunno, polished and plastic-looking. Good stories?

[maruchina.livejournal.com]

o_O You'd think that your friends would just be happy for you, instead of angry that it turned out you didn't fit the label they designed for you.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I guess.

Though, isn't that so oppressive, the forced celebratory thing? I dunno, I wish we'd celebrate other parts of our lives rather than marriages. Like, the time when I really needed shower gifts was when I bought condo (I'm sure you know what I mean), not now. Actually we didn't solicit for gifts, we kept it quiet and had very people at the wedding. I feel better about it that way.

So I don't even want people to be happy for me. I'm just aiming for general respect, I guess.