From the "who knew" file...

[ivyblossom]

If you've been a lesbian your entire adult life and then meet an amazing person you want to marry who happens to be a man, you are going to a) cause much ire and consternation among some people who you once considered good friends and amazing people, and b) be the butt of the anger and contempt of said former friends.

For the record: I'm not your lesbian role model, and I never should have been. My life is my life, not your political slogan.

But hey, maybe that's the price you pay to start being eligible for heterosexual privilege.

Comments

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Will you still be my Canadian librarian role model? Because I'm really not interested in giving that up.

Anyway, yeah, it's the pitfalls of the personal as political sort of place we're in, that personal decisions become politicized even when they're really not.

<3

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Hahahhahaha but that's a paradox, because you're my academic ass-kicking awesome chick role model!

[tzi.livejournal.com]

Well, now that we've cleared up that issue ^_~

Eh. It's your prerogative. Actually, I just thought I'd gotten confused somehow and assumed you were a lesbian instead of bi. It's not like it's any of my business, but you know. I'm glad you're happy and the like.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I'm just a bit surprised by the ire. I guess I shouldn't be. I mean, from strangers is one thing, but from friends?

Ah well. Maybe it's my role in the struggle or something. :)

[boniblithe.livejournal.com]

Wait. What? WTFF?

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I know, can you believe it? I'm ranting on my own journal for a change!

[applekid.livejournal.com]

isn't it awesome when someone likes their label for you more than they actually like you?

yuck.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, you've put your finger right on it! What a revelation!

[primroseburrows.livejournal.com]

I guess you never got their memo--you know, the one that says you're only allowed to be happy if it suits their political agenda(s).

Putting politics over friendship is a really sucky thing for 'friends' to do. They obviously need to sign up for Remedial Friendships 101.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I guess it's nice to know what you're good for to people. :) Gives you a sense of purpose!

[of-evangeline.livejournal.com]

If those people threw nothing but anger and contempt your way simply because you found happiness, well, you're much better off anyway. Congratulations, by the way. :)

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Why thank you very much! He's a good little cook and all. ;)

[supergrover24.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure there's an Ani Difranco song about this very thing.

It sucks, though. I'm sorry.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Oh god, my life is turning into an ani difranco song!

[so-lily-briscoe.livejournal.com]

Really? Because I've been thinking that I'd like you just ever so much more if you would please squeeze yourself into this convenient little box I have right here. The box I call my head. Please do your best to fit your life practices to my frames of reference. If you do otherwise, I will become confused, disoriented, and, as a result, a little afraid. I will then react like all frightened animals: I will turn away from you and run, or I will turn on you. I can't help it! You made me uncomfortable.

[This is me feeling your rage. In what universe can queerness sustain exclusivity? I'm sorry your peeps are being cruel. Hug!]

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Labels are so important when you're in an invisible minority, but I wish the gay community could do better about embracing "going with your heart" rather than "doing what's expected of you". In either direction.

Thanks for your excellent break down of the issues. :)

[ahkna.livejournal.com]

You're living out your own episode of the L Word with this, which is disturbing in and of itself. It's pretty pathetic that falling in love can garner such contempt, no matter which gender it is.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Is that good? I haven't seen it. The lesbians seemed so....I dunno, polished and plastic-looking. Good stories?

[maruchina.livejournal.com]

o_O You'd think that your friends would just be happy for you, instead of angry that it turned out you didn't fit the label they designed for you.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I guess.

Though, isn't that so oppressive, the forced celebratory thing? I dunno, I wish we'd celebrate other parts of our lives rather than marriages. Like, the time when I really needed shower gifts was when I bought condo (I'm sure you know what I mean), not now. Actually we didn't solicit for gifts, we kept it quiet and had very people at the wedding. I feel better about it that way.

So I don't even want people to be happy for me. I'm just aiming for general respect, I guess.

[tropes.livejournal.com]

Oh Christ on a cracker. -_- I still love you to pieces and I see no reason why not to.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Awww YAYS

[aldiara.livejournal.com]

Oh good grieving bollocks. I find that pretty sad coming from a community (I use this word in the loosest sense possible) that on the surface is so righteously ired about exactly that sort of attitude when it comes from straight people and is directed towards a previously straight woman falling for a woman. Because it is the same freaking narrow-minded, label-clinging, stereotyped rubbish, twerps! Gaaaaaah.

Anyway *huggles* You rock and I am pleased to bits that you're happy.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I guess it's one of those "the enemy is within us" sort of things. :/

[stungunbilly.livejournal.com]

Ouch. That sounds really painful, for you and for those people. Hope it gets better.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Well, you can't have it all, right? :)

[aliciajd]

I thought the whole point was to take joy in each woman having the freedom to love the one who is the best fit for her.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

That's a rather nice point, I'd say. Life's way too short to fuss about the labels. I was very happy as a single woman. The world is just an awesomer place with this guy in my life. What can I say!

[perclexed.livejournal.com]

Are you happy? Because frankly, that's all I would care about. Anything else seems petty and immaterial.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're right. I am happy! I came home from work to bbq steak and corn! Definitely happy!

[corinnethewise.livejournal.com]

As a former lesbian who just got married to a wonderful wonderful man and who went through the same thing, I feel your pain. I was lucky enough to have most of the people who really mattered to me be happy that I found someone I loved and who loved me back. I hope you also find that the people who really care about you will be happy for you.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Yeah, most people have been really great. We should form a support group or something! But you're right, the benefits and joys far outweighs they occasional pangs of sadness these kinds of reactions cause.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Well, that's it then. You'll have to get divorced and marry a woman. That's that. We'll give you a week to say good-bye to your husband.

Btw, I watch the L Word. It's ridiculously terrible but addictive. I would add that the character who married a man also therefore started hanging around with insensitive straight people--most encounters between the lesbians and straight people on the show are painful. If you watch the show you have to be prepared for many ridiculous things.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Curious.

Though I can appreciate that, straight people can often make things awkward. So often they can't quite imagine that not everyone is exactly like them.

And I'll tell Mr. Blossom right away that we only have a week left. It was fun while it lasted. ;)

[flourish.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth, even though we haven't talked in ages - I totally support whatever choices you make. I have no way to know what's going on in your life, and even if I was your best friend and not just some schmoe who peeks in on you from time to time via the intardwebs, it wouldn't be my place to tell you what to do.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Well, YOU of course can tell me what to do. You're flourish. The rules are different for you.

*rubs noses*

[ixchelmala.livejournal.com]

I've seen this before in other arenas, sadly I think it goes back to what is modeled for us. They are treating you the way they were most likely treated when they came out or had some other similar deal.

It does't exuse it. But it may point to the reasons for it.

Also, for the record, I you are a fabulous human role model, but you know that;)

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Good point. Thanks for the food for thought.

[chaya.livejournal.com]

Non-Monosexual Behaviour: Making People Confused and Angry Since... Well, the Beginning of Time Really

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

It's another object lesson, I suppose. Not everyone in my situation is a "tourist". :/

[pieslut.livejournal.com]

Shit fuck, I'm sorry I brought it up in a public post. I should have just emailed you my nosy, nosy question.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Oh no no I don't think that had anything to do with it, don't worry. :)

[manzai.livejournal.com]

*blinks* Wow! You've really stirred the pot this time, my dear. Not only do you listen to your heart for your entire life, you actually TELL people you do that. Now how are people supposed to label you if you won't fit into their categories??

You may not be a lesbian role model, but you are a role model. You stick to your principles, you say what's on your mind, you live your life out in the open, you've faced cancer and conquered it, you're happy ... good grief, you're exactly what people aspire to be!

Anyone who has a problem with that seriously needs their head examined. ^__^

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Well thank you so much, I think that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a really long while.

You rock.

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

I honestly fail at understanding why someone's sexual preference, REGARDLESS, is anyone's effing business. And I'm also saying, cripes. what you've been through in the last year, do you think that anything but the fact that you're here and you've beaten this thing and you've got someone by yourside who loves you is pretty much the ONLY thing that matters. Why in the hell don't people look at the larger picture? You can have a jones for small plush toys. It doesn't matter. If they are consenting plush toys and you are a consenting adult, then, again, it's no one's business but your own.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha "I had cancer, come on, stop being shitty to me." I wonder how long I get to play that card. ;)

[myclevername.livejournal.com]

I've always thought "who gives a shit, love is love." Whether you classify yourself or not, love is love. It is precious and should be cherished.