ivyblossom | UK heat wave

To my friends in the UK who are suffering through the worst heat wave in 350 years: I'd like to point out that this heat is actually

penelope_z's fault. She is spending her first summer in London and she is Greek, which should explain it all. That cultural/temperature thing that just spills into other climes and takes over things. I'm sure you'll notice a strange increase in the popularity of feta cheese and goatie (the official name for goat meat, in case you haven't been properly soaked in Greek culture yet, you plebes). Just remember, every time you feel to umcomfortably hot, the mantra you need is: "That darn Penelope Zed! What is she trying to do, turn us all into gay pelican lovers?"

Breathe deeply. That cigarette you're holding? Penelope's. Yeah, she's evil like that. She gets into every crany of your life!