When the world gets you down...

[ivyblossom]

Today I went with a friend of mine to the local mall to pick up a few things. (Passport photos so I can go visit treehavn in the spring, new earphones, a calendar, that sort of thing.) And I was in an awfully jolly mood on the way back home. I practically danced my way to the exit, feeling that all was reasonably well in the world, all told. As I was walking out, I heard a little old asian lady asking for help finding the bus station.

"I'm heading there," I said. "I'll take you."

She's a slow walker, this little old lady, so I slow down to a very slow saunter and talk to her. We talk about the weather. All very casual, very friendly. I like being a good member of the community; as I'm walking (very very slowly) I think, hey, what's the rush. Life is short. Enjoy it while it's here. Be a good person. Help people out. Love the place you find yourself in. It doesn't hurt to be nice.

And then she says, "...and they're trying to do this same-sex marriage thing! Can you believe it! Where would you and I be if there had always been same-sex marriage, eh?"

And I said nothing. My heart fell into my shoes. What could I say? Do I want to make a scene? Do I really want to see what happens after I tell her that I'm actually pretty much in favour of having full civil rights, thankyouverymuch?

It kills me that I said nothing. What I should have said was, well, you could be back there looking for the damn bus stop, lady. By yourself. Because I would have turned into a bitter, twisted lesbian having been given fewer rights than you and wouldn't have felt moved to help you. But I said nothing at all. Actually I saw my bus coming so I ran for it. i didn't help her to the escalator. I didn't help her to her platform, which I fully would have done otherwise. I just said, "there's my bus," and ran.

I'm telling you, kindness doesn't always pay. Ruined my whole evening.

Comments

[chibisama.livejournal.com]

Personally, I would have continued to be nice to her and I would have helped her get to where she was going. Just because people all think differently doesn't mean that we should treat them any differently.

Note: I am completely pro-gay marriage, but I don't believe that my kindness should be lessened just because someone disagrees. You have every right to be upset, and every right to refuse kindness, but, to me, that is what builds the rift between those who are pro and and anti gay marriage.

It is because we act negatively on our different beliefs that we create antagonism.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

I would really love to see this in action. Honestly. If it were something that struck at you the way that this struck at me, I would love to see you turn the other cheek and go all saint theresa. This is really easy to say on livejournal, after all. But I don't believe in martyrdom. And while this might be about belief to you, it's about my life, and I'm not going to accept this as just a difference of opinion. It's a matter of respect; I gave it immediately. If I don't get it back, I'm not going to bend over backward to prove that I'm better than other people. Because I'm not.

[chibisama.livejournal.com]

Heh, yes, people tell me this all the time and I understand what they mean. Often, I ask in response, Why is it that you aren't willing to strive to be "better"?
My intent is not to offend or to belitte, it is merely a question of curiosity. Many people seem to be of this train of though, and I don't feel this way, but I'm trying to understand it better. So you'll forgive me if I seem impertinent.
I cannot say that I am even close to Mother Theresa, but I certianly strive to be better. And by "better" I mean that I want not to contribute to the pain in this world, and instead to lessen it.
Anyway, slight digression there. I repeat my question.

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

The point where you have to watch what you're asking for here is this: what you're setting up, in terms of an argument, is a situation where the person being discriminated against is the one responsible for the re-education of society. That's dangerous, and I'd say pretty unfair.

If this woman had started in on those niggers and Jews and so forth, I would have had no problem responding appropriately. Because I'm not made vulnerable by those comments, and, as a white woman, I feel it's my responsiblity to defend those that are made vulnerable.

I'm not inhumanly strong, just like everyone else.

[manzai.livejournal.com]

An interesting point. As a Jewish convert, the first time I came across something overtly anti-semetic not directed at me, it felt like a blow to my stomach. I just gaped for a moment, stammered and walked away, not remotely like my usual I'll-tell-you-what-I-think self. You're never prepared for the stealth bigot.

There are a zillion little old Asian ladies. You'll be better prepared for the next one. Personally, I think you did just fine. *hugs*

[chibisama.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, of course not. Holding any one person or group responsible for any of society's wrongs isn't exactly what I was going for.
Anyway, the original point was just that it pains me to see negativity replied to with more negativity. The latter being your agitation, regardless of whether or not you expressed it directly to her. I guess what I'm saying is, I would have continued to be kind to her only because I wouldn't have any reason not to -- difference in opinion is of no consequence -- and that in itself would have made dealing with agitation easier. It is doubtful that she would have responded kindly to you if you had confronted her about her opinion of homosexuals, and so there would have been nothing you could do. Thus, to me, there was no reason not to continue as if she had said nothing.

I realize that her comment affected you deeply, and I'm not trying to tell you how you ought to be or act. I just wanted to share my point of view, since so few people share it.

At least you didn't beat her over the head with an umbrella. -_-

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

it pains me to see negativity replied to with more negativity

You wanted me to not feel agitated? That's outrageously unfair, and you seem to be priveledging this woman's experience far, far over my own. She deserves my kindness, but apparently I don't deserve hers.

[chibisama.livejournal.com]

That's .. not what I'm saying at all.. -_- I was kidding about the umbrella thing anyway. -_-

Nobody deserves any unkindness, period, and let's just leave it at that.

My original intent was not to offend or to judge. I'm sorry. -_-

[chibisama.livejournal.com]

And believe me, it enrages me on the inside to hear people say things like that. I argue with my mother all the time about gay marriage and gay rights -- not that it does any good.